I am afraid.
Turns out, I am afraid.
“...let him who boasts, boast in this, that he understands and knows me...” ~ Jeremiah 9
I can’t name it yet...other than fear. But as one who has been afraid before, I recognize it. I’m afraid. Even so, there is something stronger that rises ... I want to live. I want to live. There’ve been some dark places in my life where I couldn’t say that with any conviction. But God has changed my heart, changed my life. He’s rescued me... and I want to live. It makes me laugh a little, because it’s true. (He still changes people’s lives, by the way.)
The roller coaster since last update goes something like this:
- While I was previously diagnosed with a plasma cell neoplasm cancer (large category), I have now been definitively diagnosed specifically with multiple myeloma. My bone marrow generates mutated cells that cruise my blood stream and then form tumors.
- I have two such tumors; this may sound crazy, but that was excellent news when we heard it ... thinking there might be many more. One tumor in my shoulder that I am currently getting radiation for, six treatments down and four to go. One tumor in my head (part of my skull, not my brain) that they are not going to radiate, but want chemo to peal out of there.
- The proposed treatment plan in Sioux Falls is to do two weeks radiation (one week down), and then chemo pills daily, two weeks on and one week off, for the rest of my life. I’ve currently said no to beginning chemo until our second opinion comes through.
- We are in the process of getting a second opinion from Mayo Clinic. In God’s providence we were connected through friends with the head of Hematology there and have a consult on September 30.
Here’s what we don’t know yet:
- The overall goal of the treatment plan. So far the doctors have been quiet regarding the arc and goal of the treatment. Our doctor began a two week vacation shortly after our first meeting, we haven’t officially heard the full results of the bone marrow biopsy and his prescribed treatment plan in light of his interpretation of all the tests. That’ll come next week.
- The survival stats. There has been general optimism since I have no known co-morbidities (other major health problems). Other things that could factor in… Most people are first diagnosed in their 70s and go downhill fast, younger people seem to fare better and can withstand more aggressive treatment and be stem cell transplant candidates… it seems from our reading that Mayo has a better survival rate for their patients … But roughly 50/50 at 5 years.
- And, let’s be real, we don’t know a whole lot.
A last reflection: It’s been overwhelming how many people have been praying for us. It is humbling to be on so many people’s minds and in so many people’s prayers - certainly a source of great encouragement. Through all this, something that has come to the surface is that my closest friends, my dearest ones are those who have also suffered. Those who have been cut deeply, inexplicably, mortally ... you are near to my heart. Is it any wonder then, that my friendship with Jesus has proven to be the sweetest of all. I know of none cut more deeply than him, and he has been a constant friend.
Much more could be said... until next time.
Dave (for Amy, Charles and Owen)
He lives. He reigns. He loves.
September 30 is the next big day on the calendar - Mayo Clinic here we come.